Depression

It is well known that we are all different and unique, yet we are conventionally divided into personality types. Fritz Riemann offers a clear and very interesting classification based on different forms of fear. The depressive type of person is afraid of being abandoned by a partner, of loneliness. This fear can lead him to despair. He becomes totally dependent on the other or makes the other dependent on himself. Thus he wants to avoid loneliness. The depressive is afraid of individuality, of his partner being too independent - so he either gives up this individuality ( the author's metaphor of "revolving around himself") or does not allow it to the person he loves. It's very scary not to be able to be happy with yourself, but to constantly tremble that at some point the relationship built over years, in which strong feelings are invested, will collapse and never recover.

The softest and most benign trait of the character of the depressed is to idealize people, to see in them only the good and the bright. The belief that man is intrinsically good is strong in them, but the question remains, why then does he do all these horrible and destructive things to those around him. In fact, if they do not have this idealized notion in themselves, they cannot build the trust that is vital to them. The depressed person avoids conflict, sympathizes and empathizes. At the same time, he suppresses his desires, affects, and urges for fear of doing what he condemns in others. Thus - he does not live fully and secretly envies others who do. Depressed people cannot be tough enough and "healthy" aggressive. They don't have the courage to do so, they are afraid to express their desires clearly and to fight for their realization. For these reasons - they are often frustrated. But to be able to bear all this and suppress their inferiority complex, they perceive themselves as morally superior to others.

Love occupies the most important place in the life of a depressed person. It is also the greatest test for him and his partner. He wants to mystically merge with the Other, to blur the boundaries between his personality and the other's, to feel the unconditional maternal love of childhood. But this, of course, is only possible in his fantasies. On the other hand, the depressed person can smother his partner with his love, thus overworking his aggression. To behave like an over-protective mother who does not allow her child to take even one step independently. A depressed person has a very difficult time experiencing the loss of the loved object in whom he has invested his feelings.

The depressive personality is very commonly described in the literature. Examples from Russian literature of such characters are quite a lot. Here I will translate a few quotes. "People in this state have a characteristic sorrowful appearance. Painful weakness, thinning face, faded eyes with dark circles make an impression"(Dostoevsky "Idiot", "Rabies" ) .

"It is as if some secret sadness, some hidden heartache cruelly sharpens the features" of this face (Dostoevsky, "Netochka Nezvanova"). A face with "...some pale yellowish colour" bears "the imprint of morbidity" (Tolstoy, "The Morning of the Butler") .

In a period of depression, a person grows weaker, pales, puts on warm clothes, "sick with an unknown debilitating disease, who every spring and autumn prepares to die, but each time recovers" (Chekhov, "My Life").

The suffering woman "possesses a tender, deeply sensitive soul, which seems to glow within her, and when she weeps her whole appearance is transformed: the expression of her face is sad and sufferingly touching, and her eyes are clever and sad" (Chekhov, "A Case of Practice").

"In the height of depression he is afraid of offending other people, he thinks them angels, he exaggerates their good qualities, and blames himself for their shortcomings. He constantly feels his guilt before others, ready to sacrifice himself for the sake of others" (Dostoevsky "The Village of Stepanchikovo and its Inhabitants").  

Literature is very often a reflection of life, but if we turn to life itself, we see vivid examples of depressed people and those who help them cope with their painful condition. "The habits of forgetting, working and loving are all part of a huge whole, and it all depends on the ability to use them together," so says Fali Noon, a Nobel Prize nominee who has rescued hundreds of women from the clutches of depression. These women have lived through all the horrors of Cambodia's civil war and must start again, return to reality. They need maternal care and protection to rebuild their selves, to see meaning again. Fali Nuon, who lost her two children in the war, brings desire, trust and light back into the lives of those who suffered. Her therapy ideas are amazingly simple, yet powerful. She focuses on the restoration of lost basic trust, on the soothing power of human warm touch. The women get manicures and go to the sauna together. Simple, but so unifying, everyday moments of pleasure. Gradually they relax to talk about their experiences, to let go of the horrible past. Post-war depression is not a final diagnosis and life can go on.

            If we look at the world of cinema - examples of depressive personalities also abound. 'Melancholia' is a brilliant film by Danish director Lars von Trier that confronts the viewer with a host of existential questions - love and marriage, creativity and loneliness, the eternal search and frustration of the human spirit. The protagonist Justina is in a state of melancholy, of depression throughout the film. She is apathetic and indifferent, but at the same time suffering internally in her own particular way. The woman is supported by those close to her, but at times she is absolutely helpless. The film opens with her wedding, organised with the participation of her sister, who is her main support. The viewer also sees the mother of the two women, who behaves aggressively, is oblivious to the feelings of others, and is not at all sympathetic to her daughter's event, as well as all the other previous major events in her life. The child who feels a lack of love feels unworthy of her mother. He perceives his very existence as guilt, he feels unnecessary. The cold and overbearing mother orders, commands,but cannot give tenderness and warmth. She cannot soothe and encourage. The image of an introjected rejecting mother suppresses the child's vital energy, makes him fall into a state of hopelessness where the future is grey and frightening. The child tolerates reality but does not experience it in all its wonderful shades. But sometimes there comes a moment when the repressed personality can and wants to say no - to the rules and to what is expected of it. To not just be grateful, but to do something to express her as a person. To rebel against the rules because she has nothing to lose. Justina doesn't want to get married just because "it's the right thing to do", just because they've arranged a lavish wedding. She is infinitely apathetic and nothing can bring her out of the labyrinth of loneliness anymore. The universal loneliness of her soul. The protagonist seems to be a metaphor for life as a painful dream that passes us by without touching us. Justina is self-destructive, she prophetically sees the end of her life and humbly awaits it. Her depressive energy seems to have mystically connected with the planet Melancholia, which will destroy all life on Earth, and seems to be precipitating this shattering Armageddon. The image of the cosmic body is reflected in the protagonist's blue eyes, which look towards nothingness, towards doom, towards non-being. The destruction of the self, the suffering cannot last forever. Sooner or later the End comes.

"Real - never, real - always" - the artist Artaud wrote this phrase on one of his drawings - this applies in great force to depression. It's as if it's not happening to you, but at the same time, the reality of what's happening is painfully clear. Schopenhauer, on the other hand, writes that one finds the pleasure received less pleasant and the suffering more painful than expected. Everyone needs care and sadness to maintain equilibrium. We have to struggle with trials, which are inevitable, but without them life would be very dull.

  It is said that when a person is facing a trial he needs to read fairy tales and parables, to watch fantastic beautiful stories full of wisdom. Fairy tales help a person detach from the harsh reality and at the same time make sense of the important things in his life. The following Sufi parable is an example of this kind of reading for comfort and reflection. "The Princess of Living Water is a story about the importance of not despairing in the face of life's trials. Not to focus on the idea of the evil fate that weighs on him and prevents him from being truly happy. The protagonist Jaida tries to do constructive things like collecting honey and fruits to sell in the market, but the evil jinn does not allow her to succeed in any venture that would improve her life. A queen, seeing the maiden's anguish offers her her help. Trade takes off and the girl even has her own nice house now. But the genie does not give up and sets the house on fire. Jaida keeps her cool and even helps the ants leave her burning home by picking up a stone. Then a spring of living water gushes from the spot - an ancient prophecy comes true that a girl who ignores her own misfortunes will be able to grant immortality to anyone. In that instant, the genie loses power over her life. This happy ending shows how despite all the difficult circumstances of life, one should not succumb to depressive states, but continue to work and love. Of course, the parallel to Freud's understanding of happiness is more than obvious.  

There are many ways to treat depressive conditions. Treatment depends on its specific cause. One Gestalt therapist recommends starting with a practice of "mindful breathing" and seeking to answer the question "what is this depression doing to me?". Concentrating on the breath, without changing its rhythm, helps the person to feel his body, to feel its true needs, to become aware of himself as a living being - because the breath is life itself. The second stage involves understanding the "here and now" (typical of Gestalt therapy). "The past is gone, gone. The future has not yet come, it is also gone. There is only today. To live in the here and now. The best day is today" - the meaning of this phrase is understood with time and the insight comes that to think this way is wise. The third possible step is to be honest with oneself -" What is really important to me - to continue to fear living or to give myself life with all its nuances?". Learning to be generous with ourselves. To give ourselves love,attention and care - to tell ourselves that we really can do it. Then we can give them to other people and not think that the source of goodness will ever run dry. Love, care and attention are not a finished product, but an endless creative act, an endless process. In this way one learns to "let go" of people (events, things), relationships that have ended. In this way one learns to accept new people into one's life, who can become a true gift of destiny. Love simply becomes a part of life, a natural part of the personality that dissolves any depression in itself.

Bibliography

Fritz Riemann "Basic Forms of Fear"

"The most famous Sufis. Parables and Tales"

 Andrew Solomon "The noonday demon. An atlas of depression"

www.doctornik.ru